Reflections of a pensive retiree

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65. Inevitably, you first look back. Wow, remember? Cool!

But also..., hello, don't I see any missed opportunities there?

But you also look ahead. So what now?

So strange that so many people ask me: so what are you going to do now?

Or: can you keep busy? "Keep busy???"

I don't understand it. I have laundry lists of decades-delayed must-dos and wanna-dos, half-baked or completely insane bucket lists, unfinished projects, ideas, and intentions. For myself, I don't really need to live long for the sake of living long, as long as it's a meaningful and quality life. Being able to actively watch my granddaughter grow up, for example.

"Well, let me put it this way, the boyishness is a bit gone"

But now I'm suddenly faced with a sense of time-crunch. What's this? Before, the classical laws, practical objections, and fear of melancholy often got in the way.

Now, with a freer mind, I'm confronted with a persistent sense of untapped potential.

Unused, perhaps repressed—call it talents?

I'm highly sensitive. Too much stimulation at once usually led to repression and an approach that was initially about responsibility and citizenship, primordial, urgent solutions, control, security, and the like.

This comes at the expense of adventure, experimentation, and a we'll-see-what-it attitude. Sometimes there could be a bit more of a who-cares attitude, a WTF attitude.

But what's the answer if you're not ready to weigh up the options between, uh, take it easy now, and God, I still want so much...