Paradises around the Andaman Bay: Phuket, Phi Phi Isles, Krabi, Khao Lak (Thailand) (6-18/12/2018).

Translation disclaimer: This page was translated using automated software for your convenience. No guarantee is given regarding the accuracy of the translation. The content will be manually reviewed later.

Via Moscow, where it is snowing heavily, more than fifteen minutes straight in one of those airport buses, to a further part of the airport, transfer and on to Phuket where, after a winding ride of 45 minutes, we check into the Seaview Hotel in Patong .

We're offered a birthday ritual for my wife's birthday. Afterward, lunch, a siesta, a post-flight massage, and an exotic buffet, but we're too jetlagged to go out. We go to the terrace anyway. A guitarist is playing. All sorts of pop ballads are played. You can make requests. I request " Have I told you lately " by Van Morrison, our wedding dance. He doesn't know it. "Come tomorrow ," he says. "I'll play for you ." The next day, we go for a nightcap. We're alone. I go to him. A flawless version follows.

I want to live in the moment, away from the daily grind. On my iPad, I read that the NV-A (Dutch Trade Union) left the government for something called "Marrakesch." I sigh and step outside, breathe in the sultry night air, and then sleep, completely naked, for a wonderful night.

The next morning we walk to the center of Patong. First and foremost, we're looking for new reading glasses, which broke at baggage check. My wife is feasting on freshly cooked crab with rice noodles. It's going to be a frequent "crabby" stay for her, and rightly so. She eats a crab almost every day, muttering " man, man, man" as she devours a mouthful. So, crab salad and scampi will be out of favor at home for a while. Because the tiger prawns here are also fresh, large, cheap, and… everywhere.

It's also going to be a time with plenty of massages for just 250 baht (€7.15).

In the evening we return by tuktuk to Bangla Road, full of pole-dancing, scantily clad girls in the uniforms of, say, stewardesses or nurses.

Let's say, Phuket's vibrant erotic nightlife district. It's bustling, and in a cacophony of light and music, all sorts of temptations present themselves: great places to drink, eat, and, hmmm, meet up. We marvel at the sometimes incredibly beautiful (albeit plastic)

Shemales , or ladyboys . They're eager to take pictures with us and invite us to their drag queen and striptease show, which we politely decline. It's a strange feeling, though. Surrounding myself with beautiful women "gifted" with a Big Bonus. Replace the B with a D, and you've practically got a "Dig Donut."

But let's call a spade a spade. This is a red-light district. From sunset, this street and a few side streets are closed to traffic, and then it explodes into a 400-meter-long zone where go-go girls dance, or rather, stand boredly swaying around a pole on an open floor of lounge bars, awash with flickering neon lights and loud music. Everywhere you'll find weirdos, street performers, freaks, and vendors of "everything." And where street food and gallons of beer seem to be the main draw. Somewhere further on, there's also a gay spot . In short, nightlife rules everywhere . And for shoppers, besides the usual souvenirs , there's really only batik and silk that might be worth a visit.

Relaxation time. We can step straight into a small pool from our room. Sunbathing is only feasible early in the morning. Suddenly, it's pouring rain. But the heat remains. The pervasive humidity creates a terrifying odor that permeates everything. You know the smell. The same one from wet clothes that have been in a bag for a little too long. And then there's the smell of pest control.

**************************************************************************

Snack: Siam and Babylon: Thailand, confusion and wonder.

• I enter a room. A squeaky voice says, " Hello! " I see no one. And I ask, " Where are you ?" The answer comes out of nowhere: " I'm fine, and you?"

• “ Where you from? Belgium! Belgium? Oh, good, I have a friend who is specialized in tailor-made suits ”. Que?

• A Russian orders at the bar: "An iced tea, please ." The bartender frowns, scoops ice, and walks to the hot water machine. Russian: Nooooooo!!! Chaos ensues. iPhone pictures are shown. Bartender: " We can make it ." Russian: " Peach? " Ending: Russian drinks a pina colada.

• I pass the Coco Pool Bar. A barmaid recognizes me and spontaneously calls out, laughing: Happy hour! Happy Thailand!

• Thai massage. The girl starts, sits on me, and asks, " You want Bam ?" I panic. We're at Happy Thailand. I saw somewhere that oil is a bit more expensive. Me: No. I just want oil. She: You don't need oil, but Bam ! Me: Hey, okay? A moment later, a wonderful scent of eucalyptus. Bam = balm.

• She's grinding herself into my back. Pain! I suffer from back pain and am riddled with pain mines. All sorts of groans escape me spontaneously: ee, oo, aa ... When she works on my legs, it's more bearable and I'm quiet. Until she says: When will you ee oe aa again?

**************************************************************************

At 6:00 a.m. we drive to Phuket Town on the other side of the island, to a small tributary of the Andaman Sea, a part of the Indian Ocean. We'll cross by ferry, wearing sunscreen , sunglasses, and a hat to protect ourselves from the copper. Chaos reigns as the passengers of a diverse range of races embark.

The Phi Phi Isles consist of six islands (about 48 km from Phuket). We're sailing around the famous Phi Phi Lee , made famous by the film "The Beach" starring Leonardo DiCaprio, which was filmed around the beautiful Maya Bay . A devastating tourism boom followed, and the government decided to close the destination to allow nature to recover. Along with the main island of Phi Phi Don , where we'll be staying, it's considered a National Park. It's a world-famous diving location. The views are incredibly stunning. We're sweating and feeling sunburned.

Once we arrive we have to get into a typical longtail boat where all the luggage is placed at the front

simply piled on top of each other. And then a surprise: in front of the hotel beach, we have to crawl off the boat down an immense ladder, straight into the sea, and wade knee-deep to the beach with our shoes in hand. Bay View Resort Phi Phi doesn't even look like a hotel. We get a cottage with a balcony, slightly uphill, but what a heavenly spot. We take a pleasant evening stroll. This island of Phi Phi Don, with its hourglass-like surface, is a wonder in every way. Picturesque rock formations, exuberant nature, whimsical trees, never-seen-before flowers and plants. And pearly white beaches leading to crystal-clear water with unique coral reefs.

But the tropical, idyllic character is clearly fading, due to the gradually rampant tourism, away from the original and authentic life of its past. Where this island was once a hippiedom in terms of tourism, with all its decadence, such as the full moon ceremonies on the beach with overt sex and drugs, it is now losing even that, well, unique aspect. A full moon party on Phi Phi is considered a unique experience where the vibrant energy of the beach meets the enchanting glow of the moonlit sky. When the sun sets, the island transforms into a pulsating center of music, dance, fire, and friendship, attracting travelers from all over the world. The hippie elements are still present. A short walk outside the village along the coastline and the beaches with views of the other, smaller Phi Phi islands immediately reconciles me with that earthly paradise feeling. And yes, that Thai cuisine… My dinner is a Tom Yan Gung . I give it a score of 11/10.

Yet another moment of Absurdistan. On the Phi Phi Beach Strip, in a Kharkov restaurant with the smell of the sea and fresh, barbecued fish and seafood, a guitarist sings in Thai (it's December 9th): " I'm dreaming of a White Christmas . "

Phi Phi Don is not a destination for luxury junkies; just stepping into the sea and the somewhat primitive activities around it are quite uncomfortable, but what an experience! The rather basic accommodation—lots of wood, no high-rise buildings—is even an asset within the unique beauty of this scenic natural wonder. Moreover, despite the tsunami disaster they endured in 2004, they have reinvented and rebuilt themselves here. Although they remain quite dependent on imports due to their relatively isolated location. And certainly, the challenge of the growing number of tourists, in terms of environmental issues, sustainability, and general portability, is undeniable. But it must be said, the exhortations regarding avoiding pollution and channeling illegal dumping are made clear in all sorts of ways. The signs against waste and garbage scream at us around every corner.

I interview the hotel manager. She admits that it's a difficult balancing act to balance material prosperity with a certain pure quality of life. And the youth are descending into a McDonald's attitude . It's a shame, with such a varied, healthy cuisine. Should restrictions be given up for more comfort? The only concessions here are golf carts. Luggage and other items are transported by shalee (handcart). On the other hand, she admits that the knowledge of English here is actually inadequate for a country that has been a tourist magnet for decades.

The next day is all about sand, sea, coconut or other tropical drinks, swimming, sunbathing, and enjoying life. I hike and climb to the ultimate viewpoint, Monkey Beach, but don't see any monkeys. Plenty of Instagrammable photos, however...

We continue our journey to Krabi . This means we have to wade to that long boat again.

While local porters shoulder our luggage, we board a ferry at Koh Phi Phi Don's Ao Ton San Pier, which will take us east to Krabi. The mini-islands and rock formations, and all their jagged beauty, are worth the trip in themselves. Then it gets adventurous again. We've already seen the low tide sometimes reveal breathtaking expanses of sand, and the sea changes in a miraculous way. And yes, we have to transfer to smaller (shallower) tenders in the middle of the sea, with all the lugging and grabbing people that entails. We then reach a small quay along a narrow channel. Fortunately, they always lend us a helping hand.

The hotel near Ao Nang Beach doesn't even have exterior walls, meaning that cheerful birds fly freely around us inside. It's striking, however, that a 10% service charge and 7% VAT have suddenly been added. Never before. Wow. I order a Pad Thai Goong . Traditional Thai-style fried noodles with prawns, bean sprouts , and bean curd (tofu) wrapped in an egg nest . A well-known, popular international Thai dish. But the twist and seasoning are unique. I also discover the herb sprigs with the beautiful name "morning glory."

And once again hilarious: the signs in the toilets (see photos). "No washing feet in the toilet." Or: "Do not stand on the toilet seat." Fine: 100 baht (€2.86). And how about: "Do not wash dishes in the toilet." More logically, "Paper in the bucket." Because, as everywhere in Asia, the sewers aren't like ours. Also unusual is the citronella (to repel mosquitoes) on every table in the dining area. In our room, they were even available in the minibar, for a fee.

Railay, the enchanting peninsula nearby is the must-see attraction of

This region, a dreamlike paradise, surrounded by a calm sea of clear, light-blue, translucent water teeming with fish, along gently sloping beaches or dramatic limestone rock formations.

We sail to Railay West Beach , considered one of the most beautiful beaches in the world, accessible only by a chugging longtail boat . And it is: those impressive cliffs, that stretch of powder-white sand, lined with swaying coconut palms, and here and there only a drink or food stall. We stroll along that magnificent coastline, those indescribable rock formations and towering palm trees.

Or take Ao Phra Nang, where climbers dangle upside down from dramatic rock faces and monkeys eat from your hand. This secluded bay of Railay leads us via an enchanting winding trail through patches of jungle and semi-exposed, bizarre rock formations and spectacular caverns full of indigenous surprises: charming scenes and local creativity alongside the trail, to this small beach, dominated by unique limestone formations and fringed with a mangrove forest. On the way to… hundreds of penises, yes indeed.

Princess Cave , and a smaller cave, is filled with stacked wooden sculptures of penises in all shapes, sizes, and colors. It's a kind of superstition that makes these offerings to Phra Nang, the God of Fertility. This is especially true for women hoping to conceive, but also for fishermen hoping for a bountiful catch. Nella immediately wants her picture taken. It adds a magical touch to this already exceptionally beautiful place. The softness of the sand is indescribable, and the view of those high, narrow limestone islands, incised just below the waterline, is the unique attraction around this Andaman Bay. Think also of the famous, unique James Bond Island just north of Phuket, not far from here. And then there are all those tropical fish in that sea, a luxury I can't experience. Snorkeling is possible, but I'm not a diver. Than-bok-Khorani National Park , with its beautiful waterfall, is also worth a visit, but we don't have time.

Because the next day follows a long taxi ride to Khao Lak on the Thai west coast, above

Phuket connected by a bridge. A beautiful place that was prominently featured in Jan Verheyen's recent documentary about the tsunami there. Regarding the tsunami, I refer you to my many other blogs, including those about Sri Lanka, which highlight the impact of the disaster but also the rebuilding resilience of those affected.

What a fantastic hotel: The Water Khao Lak at Bang Nian Beach . From our room we step straight into a

shared private pool. Many Germans and Scandinavians stay there. The focus is on adults, and importantly, the hotel is Russian-proof .

We'll be enjoying ourselves here for four days before flying home. Only, there's always that luxurious stress of making a choice: which cocktail, mmm, a Green Day today ? Or a Stormy Weather with, indeed, a small, drowned bottle of ginger ale in the dark rum? Or which nice restaurant? Or bar? To the beach or one of the pools with a pool bar? Another pampering massage? Hammock-wonderful, isn't it?

What a heavenly trip.